I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
