just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
