His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
