Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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