he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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