yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
