the condom got lost in my hair
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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