If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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