Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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