Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
