Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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