Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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