I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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