so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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