Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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