The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
