I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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