Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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