Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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