OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
