I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
