My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
