I'm pants shitting drunk right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't deserve a penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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