He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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