I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
