I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize