sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
