Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person