Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now