no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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