You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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