theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
