i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
