I just saw a hot homeless man
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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