I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
