If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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