You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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