Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
