I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
