I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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