wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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