So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
