You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
