he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
