Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
