This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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