It's Friday. Sex?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
