Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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