I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
