my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
