i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
