I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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