At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
