It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You pole danced in your parka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
