i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
