he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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