I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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