stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
