and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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