I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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