So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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