when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
