the condom got lost in my hair
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
