So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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