Quick, to the slutcave!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
