is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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