dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
