i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
