I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
