Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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