i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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